Posted by : Kyisha Long 14.3.14

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Divorce is heart wrenching, to say the least. It leaves you lonely, depressed, and often feeling bad about yourself. Unfortunately, there’s no way around these feelings; you have to work through them in order to move on. But there are some things you can do to gain back your confidence.

1.      Get to Know Yourself

After a divorce, the loneliness and pain can make it tempting to jump into a new relationship right away. Don’t. You need time to figure out who you are without your former spouse. And you need to love yourself for who you are before you try to love someone else.

To heal and discover yourself again, focus on your interests. Make a list of all the things you love to do and whenever you’re feeling down, pick one to do. Add to the list two or three things that you’ve always wanted to do but never had the time for. When you drop your kids off to visit your ex, go straight to an activity that is uplifting and fulfilling for you. Staying busy and trying new things will make you feel accomplished and self-assured. 

2.      Stay Involved

While you do need alone time to both grieve and become comfortable being by yourself, spend plenty of time with friends and family too. Rely on them and talk to them about how you are feeling. They can help you see what an amazing person you are, no matter what has happened in your marriage.

If you need additional support, find a group online or in your community with others who are struggling with the same challenges. You may be surprised at how much strength you can find from others who share similar experiences. Consider counselling as another way to work through your grief.

3.      Stay Healthy

Everyone feels better when they are exercising and eating well. Exercise releases endorphins, which boost your mood. See this time as an opportunity to work on yourself and get in the best shape you can—for you, not for anyone else. And, as Dr. Phil eloquently puts it, “You’ll have what you create.” 

It’s normal for divorcees to feel guilty for spending time away from their children. But remember, the best thing you can do for your children is to be the best, strongest version of you. Take time each day to become stronger physically, and you’ll be stronger mentally and will be an example for your children.

4.      Focus on the Positive

It will be tempting to see the negative things about your life after divorce. But focusing on those things will only make you feel worse. Instead, make a conscious effort to see the positive things in your life.

Focus on your talents, your accomplishments, and the exceptional things about yourself. Concentrate on the friends who stay beside you, not the ones who take your ex-spouse’s side. The more you look for the positives, the more of them you will see and the brighter life will become.

5.      Forgive Yourself, and Forgive Others

Guilt and anger gnaw at a person. Harboring those negative feelings will prolong your healing process. Instead, take action. Apologize to those whom you feel you have wronged. Do your best to make recompense for the hurt you caused them. Realize that you are human and there is only so much you can do to fix things.

If you feel that you deserve an apology from someone, approach them in an open, kind way. Explain how you feel. Be willing to let go of your anger, whether or not they apologize. If you do not feel comfortable talking to that person, you may have to find the strength to move on anyway. You may not be able to do it right away, but slowly try to let go of the negative feelings you are clinging to.

6.      Celebrate Yourself

Take time every day to celebrate something about yourself—how great your hair looks that day, the definition you can see in your arms, learning something new, smiling that day, or talking with your Richmond Hill lawyer without crying. Taking that time to honor yourself, your accomplishments, and your milestones will help you realize your value and feel happier.

7.      Have Fun with Your Kids

No matter what happened between you and your spouse, you’ve been blessed with wonderful kids. Spend time with them. Make memories and have fun. Do things that will bring you together and build their self-esteem and confidence. Focusing on the well-being of others can do wonders for your morale.

Recovering after your divorce will take time. Be patient with yourself as your work through the many emotions that will surface. The time will come when you feel good—even great—again. Follow these tips and look for others, and you’ll be on your way to feeling like a new, confident you.

EdsonSenna is a freelance writer who specializes in family matters and health and wellness. He gets ideas for his articles from companies like Donnell Law Group. In his spare time, Edson enjoys reading everything he can and spending time with friends and family. 

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